His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
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