you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
