i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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