I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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