This is not my ceiling
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
