Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
