I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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