Pappa wants mamma naked
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
