Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
