Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
