can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
