so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
