Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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