she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
