Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
