Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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