So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
