Three words: puerto rican gang bang
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
