I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
