I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
