great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
