upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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