I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just pee around me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
