Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We got so high we made milksteak
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
