bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize