I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
