Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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