She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I love you.
Bad choice
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
