Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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