I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
