i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
