you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
