which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
