He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
