It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
