If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i now understand why vodka
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
