I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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