i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
