He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
