allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
