I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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