Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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