I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
