I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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