Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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