Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
