am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
