Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
