i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
