so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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