so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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