Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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