I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
