i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
