i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
