I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
