so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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