Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
