We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
