She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
