pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
