I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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