Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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