On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
