The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
