Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My life is pants optional.
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