The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
