First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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