Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Two words: blizzard sex
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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