Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
