Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
