9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
