Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize