Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
