is your mom at the bar?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
