"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
