All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
