Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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