I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
