State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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