So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
