Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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