I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
