You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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