How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
