Kiss
Puke
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
