Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
