It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
