remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
