i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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