i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize