i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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