I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
