Your tits are I can't wait for
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
