he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm too high and old for this...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
