I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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